How much can I be shattered?

I've been a person of discipline when it comes to understanding the significance of radical positivity for overcoming something like cancer. 

It's like imaginary cricket game in which, cancer is an angry fast paced bowler who keeps throwing different kinds of balls at me, sometimes easy peesy balls and sometimes a googly! I'm this patient batsman who constantly has her white teeth shine, her mind grapple with coordinates of every ball and her hands moving continuously to avoid being out!

But recently, cancer threw a very twisted one at me - peripheral neuropathy and venous thrombosis - both at once! In simple language, my hands and arms were swelled up and when the swelling subsided, my right hand started to lose its strength. Now how much can you smile when you are right handed and you lose the muscle of the game? Not much. 

Still continuing with my mental tricks, I was just about getting used to this, when I've started to now feel similar numbness in my left hand and my feet as well. Sometimes, when a tsunami attacks, you just don't have the gear to protect yourself. I'm caught unprepared too. 

Cherry on the cake is the utter incapability I am facing in making my dear ones realise how I feel. Even when I make them read what I've penned down, they are either caught up in the worldly web to devote the time needed to ponder and reflect, or they just don't have any relative experiences to be able to feel what I'm feeling. 

But now I've accepted. It's like I'm this wall on which someone is continuously hammering. At some point, the wall will break. And then there are also people like Nek chand who founded the famous rock garden in my hometown, who will at some point hopefully find these wall pieces good enough to be part of a new creation. Hopefully. 

Really, Hope is a good thing, may be the best of things, And no good thing ever dies.