You're still human

You may be strong and you may deal with any hardships in life with a strong mindset and willpower, but I want you to know that you are still human and it's okay. 

For me, I've been constantly trying to fake it to my mind that I am more powerful than the illness and that I need to stay calm and be strong about it, etc etc. This is the right thing to do as it is the best way to get over this with flying colors - that's my goal. 

However, what does end up happening if I adorn such a brave face is - people start feeling she is generally brave and stop looking at it as my strength for appreciation. It's more like they will start taking your strength for granted and stop noticing the hard work behind all that mental act you are putting together, each day, every day. And this can be frustrating!

I don't know what's the reason - is it because people don't know how to express, or they just want to block the conversation about cancer, or they under-estimate it or they think I'm a super human anyways and hence its not special anymore. When relatives and friends call me / husband. They mostly call husband because they probably find it awkward to talk to a cancer patient 😅 The conversation is mostly about my son and I love how much they care 💖 and then it turns to how hard it must be for my husband. It almost makes it feel like I and my son are some sort of unnecessary burden on him and that he has to change so much in his schedule to take care of us etc etc. It is irritating. I love my husband and I know he's going through a lot and he's really our superman 💞 However, what I don't understand is how they don't see that I am going through a lot of hard work too to keep everyone sane, trying to be as less demanding as possible, putting up a brave face every single day, despite all the painful chemical reactions happening in my body and despite all the postpartum depression. There's no talk about the pains I have made a part and parcel of my chemo life now; there's no words of appreciation on how I'm holding it all together for my family; etc. 

You know - the basic human need for appreciation for the toil they are doing! 

And then I think in hindsight how come I am getting these negative thoughts and feel guilty about it. But then a part of me reminds me - Despite everything, I am still a human! And it's okay to be human 😊